What is Lust?

I made this blog as an adjunct to my other blog for those that want to know about the real meaning of sex, and why not all of it is wrong for singles. See, sex is a gift from God, and not only for married people. From our earliest days on earth, we learn to identify ourselves, at least partly, with what is between our legs. And our genitalia is not "dirty." When God finished Creation Week, He looked at all that He saw and said that it was "very good." Are you honestly going to tell me that Adam did not have genitals? Anyway, let me start off this blog with this topic: What is lust?

“If you look at the opposite sex with lust, you are sinning! You are committing adultery with them in your heart!”

If you have been in church for any length of time, you’ve probably been told, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:27-28). “Lust” as is defined in today’s modern churches, is always used in a negative light, and almost exclusively towards sex! It is a very poorly understood concept. “Watch out! Don’t look at that girl for too long, you might lust! Oh, no! Don’t picture that girl in a bikini, or naked! That might lead you down a road you don’t want to go down!” Sounds serious, doesn’t it?

Here’s the thing, though. What they don’t say is that she needs to be married or promised to another man (engaged) for it to be counted as adultery. We have a very sloppy definition of adultery in today’s times that doesn’t quite line up with what the true meaning was found in the Bible. Today, it’s “having sex outside of marriage” or “having an extra-marital affair.” While it could mean that, we need to examine it closer. It is sexual relations with another man’s wife. In those days, women were basically property of their fathers, or their husbands when they got married. And, marriage wasn’t necessarily “for love,” but as part of an “agreement” between the bride’s father and the future husband.

As an example, look at Jacob working for his future father-in-law, Laban, to “buy” Rachel. He was tricked by Laban into marrying her older sister Leah, but he still wanted Rachel, because she was beautiful. So, he worked for him some additional time so he could purchase Rachel. So, adultery could be considered a “property” crime. Women were generally not allowed, under penalty of death, to go seek sex from another man, nor a man, under the same penalty, was allowed to seek sex from a woman he knew was married. By the way, deflowering a virgin, according to the OT, was frowned upon, but was not a “crime.” The Law said that the man needed to pay the father the “bride price” for virgins, since they were highly prized in the OT. Don’t believe me? Look at what the Bible says, “If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. 17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins” (Deut 22:16-17, NASB, underline mine).

Does all of this come as a shock to you that fathers could “sell” their own daughters and husbands can “buy” their wives from them? It clashes with our culture’s own feminist views, but that is the way it was. On the topic of taboo subjects, note that Jacob married both Leah and Rachel. It doesn’t say he divorced Leah to marry Rachel. That’s right! Polygamy was actually allowed in the OT (and in the NT, by the way)! God never barred a man from taking on more than one wife at a time! And He never rescinded it – which means that, technically, polygamy is still not a sin. When the man, in the Corinthian church, was caught having affairs with his father’s wife (1Cor 5:1), it did not mean his own mother or his step-mom (although, she kinda was; for lack of a better term). It was his father’s other wife. This man had multiple wives! And for his son to sleep with one of his wives, that was sin.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic, my apologies. So, the term in Greek for “woman” (γυνή or guné) can actually be translated as "wife," and they would be interchangeable. I've heard in those times, you did not say, "This is my wife," you would say, "This is my woman." Why is that important? Because the Scripture can now be saying that you shouldn't look on someone else's wife with lust. Furthermore, the term "lust" in Mt 5:27 is the same word for the word "covet" in the Septuagint (LXX). The term denotes more than simply looking and fantasizing. It means to plan, to scheme, to want at all costs. So now, Mt 5:27-28 looks like this: "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery (unlawful intercourse with another man's wife). But I tell you that anyone who looks at a wife (a woman who belongs to another man) lustfully (planning or trying to take her from said man) has already committed adultery with her in his heart." When you look upon a woman and you have feelings of wanting her, you are not sinning – unless you, fully aware that she's married to someone else, try and take her for yourself. Otherwise, no one would be able to get married without sinning." Is she single? Then your “lusting” can be used for a good purpose. Go talk to her! Ask her out. Our sex drive was given to us by a Good God for a good reason. There is nothing wrong with liking the way a woman looks. Nothing at all.

The Greek word used for “lust” in the Bible is “ἐπιθυμέω or epithumeó” (Strong’s #1937) and means “desire, lust after, to long for.” It is a two-part word: “epi” – upon, and “thumos” – passion. So, “upon passion” – in other words, passion on top of itself. There are good lusts and there are evil lusts. How do I know this? In the KJV, Rom 7:7-8 reads, “…for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet (evil lust). 8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence (strong, evil lusts).” Col 3:5 spells it out even more clearly, “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire (kakēn epithymian) , and greed” (NASB).

So, since there are lusts that are considered evil, are there any lusts that are good? Yes! The Apostle Paul writes, “But we, brethren, having been taken away from you for a short while—in person, not in spirit—were all the more eager with great desire (epithumeó, lust) to see your face” (1Thess 2:17, NASB, underline mine). He also wrote “But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire (lust) to depart and be with Christ (Phil 1:23, NASB, underline mine). He writes yet again, to Timothy, “It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer (or Bishop), it is a fine work he desires” (1Tim 3:1, NASB, underline mine). Even Jesus lusted when He said, “With fervent desire (strong lust) I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer” (Lk 22:15, NKJV, underlines mine). As you can see, “lust” is not necessarily an evil thing and is not a word reserved for things sexual.

The people that say this “adultery of the heart” business, simply don’t understand the meaning of what Jesus was saying when he said “adultery of the heart.” Again, it had to do with intention. Let’s say that you were alone with a woman that you knew was married (or engaged). Say that she cleaned your house and she and you were all alone. He was basically asking the Jews around him, if they had five minutes alone with a married woman, what would they do? If they initiated a romantic encounter, that was what He was getting at! It’s wanting to get involved with a woman you know you’re not supposed to get involved with. If she slaps you and says, “No, way!” you are not off the hook! That, in God’s eyes, still counts as adultery – as if you actually committed the act!

And no, there’s no such thing in the Bible as “fornication of the heart,” so don’t go there for singles! Saying that it is “adultery against her future husband” is also nonsense – she is not physically married right now, is she?? Staring at a woman's breasts is not "adultery" by any means. Planning to sleep with her fully knowing that she's married is! See the difference? In a way, Jesus was paraphrasing the 7th and 10th commandments. Do not commit adultery. Do not covet (desire) your NEIGHBOR'S wife, house, donkey, maidservant, other property. Jesus wasn't "intensifying" the Law, he was only reminding them of it's true intent – which was not to cause harm, in this case, to defraud, his neighbor. It wasn’t enough for the Jews to keep the Law outwardly; they also must have had to keep it inwardly, as well. He was saying when someone plans to steal someone or something away from someone else, then sin manifests itself in the heart of a person. Remember when He said it’s not what goes into a man, but what comes out of him that defiles him (Mk 7:20)? “For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Lk 6:45).

Now, where does that leave us with pornography? Just about all porn, whether written or in pictures or movies, are made to arouse our senses and get us to lust. I believe that it would be fine – just as long as it doesn’t become an addiction, as with any other thing (1Cor 6:12). It’s designed to entice us, to bring us to a place where the lines between fantasy and reality become blurred. And this is the problem with porn. It’s not sinful in and of itself. The harm comes when people see it and form unrealistic expectations of how male and female relationships work, or they simply become addicted to watching it. Kids shouldn’t see it or be exposed to it. Children are in their formidable years, and the younger they are, the worse it could be. I’ll leave this up to the individual person – some people can handle it, some people can’t! Take serial rapist and murderer Ted Bundy, for example. In interviews while on death row, he blamed porn as the reason why he did it. Now, he may have been lying, but he stated that he began to get more and more into the “darker” porn (S&M, bondage, rape fantasies, etc) and that led him down the wrong path. He is an example of someone that cannot handle it and he should have stayed away from it (and women, in general).

Probably not relevant to this current discussion, but the church that I originally went to said that there was something they called “spiritual pornography,” which was anything that put their church in a negative light. These people were such megalomaniacs that any slight criticism, any bad reporting, was seen as “persecution.” We were not allowed to see news reports that were investigating what was really going on. Ordinary members were not allowed to question the leadership, because their word was law. If anyone did speak up, they were quickly shut down and told to “repent.” We were not even allowed to date outside of “the kingdom” – which was what they considered to be “the church” – the True Church! See, to them, everyone outside “the kingdom,” even other Christians, were “lost” and on their way to hell! After I got out of there and went to another church (eventually – healing from religious trauma takes time, unfortunately), I went to a Baptist church. I told my Baptist pastor my experiences over there, and he responded, “Oh, I know churches like that. They like to abuse their members! They’re apparently busy for and only interested in building their kingdom, not The Kingdom!” I couldn’t agree more.